If you still need last-minute gift ideas for Christmas, choose anything but store-made holiday cards. They’re bland, they’re just pieces of paper, and most importantly, they’re not one-of-a-kind, which is what made them so special in the first place. If Santa was real in this day and age, he too would simply mass-produce gifts and overwork the elves to deliver them instead—forced overtime without pay, work without paid vacation, without sick leaves, and… minimum wage? Sorry, that’s not on the convenient nice list.
MASSIVE END OF YEAR SALE FROM TODAY TILL 31 DECEMBER FROM 2999 TO 999! BUT YOU WON’T KNOW THAT IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN 999!
Gift-giving, in the eyes of most, has always been a nuisance. We give because we have to, not because we want to, most of the time. And we’re damn bad at it. Personally, I think the best gift for everyone would be a paid weeks-long holiday, but that’s not really a thing. Then, the second-best gift would be little trinkets, cards, or something bigger, handmade by your friends and family members. Little cousin’s handmade A4 paper card. Grandma’s iconic, ugly Christmas sweater. A friend’s printed keychain of your favorite character. Of course, these things have always been rare, but it has never been this rare to see a hand-drawn paper craft, a jar of origami stars—to see effort. But effort takes time, effort takes headaches from trying to fix handmade mistakes, accidentally ruining part of the giftwhat about the materials? It’s slowly killing our minds. I think that, without any sources, the scientists in my mind have found that DIY crafts are causing cancer in your hands. We should avoid them at all costs and go to the nearest store to buy the 999 THB hand cream imported from a territory on Earth that’s American, Korean, Japanese, British, and European all at the same time.
Thank you to our ethnically correct, morally white sponsors, let’s take a U-turn back to our original topic: what is the best gift, not for another person, but for yourself? What’s something you’d be happy to receive? The answer you have right now is for sure incorrect. What else melts through your skin and is absorbed into your bones more than convenience itself?
STOCK CLEARANCE: EVERYTHING NO ONE WANTED SINCE 2018 IS ON SALE! VINTAGE LOVERS CANNOT MISS THIS!
Clothes were even once tailored to our sizes. There were no such things as free-size, fit-all clothes, so people then had only a few outfits, some for special occasions, others for everyday fit. Now, with the death of handmade craftsmanship and the rise of industrial manufacturing, we all have to hope that these beautiful clothes, made with intensive, not-really-a-secret child labor, actually fit us. Otherwise, you’d have to move on to another pile that was manufactured by abuse of poor men with neck bone dislocations from all the sewing. I wouldn’t prefer that over ones produced by child labor, though.
Then, while you were trying on those clothes (virtually, by putting the pictures over a picture of yourself, of course), the price changed to even higher. That’s not inflation—that’s just dynamic pricing. Hurry, just grab one before it gets even more expensive or before it runs out. Hey, you just missed the window of a huge sale there. Just buy it. ONE-OF-A-KIND WATER BOTTLE POORLY DESIGNED BY THAT ONE CELEBRITY WE ALL HAVE TO KNOW, NOW ON SALE FOR 999X THE PRICE OF A NORMAL WATER BOTTLE! Why bother trying? It’s beautiful, it’s cute, it’s not your style, but it’s so cheap right now. If it’s too big or too small for you, just hope you’ll be luckier next time. You shouldn’t hand-sew them to make them fit your size—those clothes would look too cheap. After all, we’re aiming for expensive-looking things at a cheap price, are we not? And when is a better way to buy clothes if not at the end of the year or yesterday or the other day or last week or the past month or the past year?
It’s a gift from capitalism funded by yourself for yourself (temporarily at most). Merry Crisis!
AI PROMPTER NEEDED FOR WEBSITE DESIGN: SIGN UP NOW AT LETSNOTTHINK DOT COM!
No, I’m kidding, obviously. The best gift would be some nice holiday cards. Of course, WOULD YOU ALLOW OUR COOKIES? —there’s the option of buying it at your local stores as well. They are sleek, well-made, and SORRY, NO IS NOT AN OPTION completely unique. But, what most — GIVE US YOUR DATA — don’t know is that it’s possible to make cards at home. Even if you’re bad at crafts, here’s a quick and easy way. Even better, making CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP cards can become your new 30,000/month passive side hustle. Lazy girls—after all, we’re just girls—listen up!
MASSIVE END OF YEAR SALE FROM TODAY TILL 31 DECEMBER FROM 2999 TO 1999! BUT YOU WON’T KNOW THAT IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN 999 UNTIL THIS VERY MOMENT!
Please subscribe to the newsletter subscription to continue reading.
เนื้อหา: อลิน เซ่งเจริญ / Alin Sengjaroen
พิสูจน์อักษร: ญาณ์ และ หงส์ปีกไหม้
กราฟิก: นอจอ